Music, Mental Health, and Mother’s Day
By Antonia Sinibaldi
This is my first blog on my new website.I am purposely posting this the day before Mothers Day but the thought process of this have been in my mind for a long time. I will try and do monthly blogs to show/to reach viewers as many as possible to achieve my goal in multiple ways.
Yes, the title is quite long but I always make a point. I try to reach as many people from all walks of life and abilities. As a woman in my mid twenties with a severe disability I try to use my limitations for good and eventually want to run for politics after I am done working. My disability is so severe but over the years the challenges of singing with a ventilator have been frustrating but rewarding. I also have this thing called a Diaphragmatic pacemaker in my diaphragm. More about my disability will come later. The most important parts are I am a singer, songwriter and painter.
Singing with a ventilator is what separates me from the rest of the vent community. That is the biggest reason why I want to sell music, I want sell artwork, I need to work as much as possible in order to pave the way for something good to happen in my community.These paintings will eventually be for sale but right now you can buy the music.
Now the most important part the Mother’s Day part. I am one to say everyday is Mother’s Day and they should be celebrated with respect, not just once a year. The U.S mother’s day is in May and in the U.K it is in March. There are mother’s that are struggling so badly, financially, mentally and emotionally. Disability does not always stop motherhood. Some conditions yes and some conditions no. My mother and I were hurt in our car accident. Physically she healed very well and I gained a brain and a body that works 110%. More people have come to woman like myself then her telling me “why must you have the same thing that happens monthly for women if you are paralyzed.” I have also been told that spinal cord injury stops your sexual function. There are more cases where nothing like that are slowed down for women who are paralyzed. I wouldn’t be who I am today without my mother’s physical strength and my late grandmother’s mental strength. Both of them taught me to use what I have and strengthen it. I hope my music with the things I paint and write will show and improve how we deal with femininity and disability.
How Many Messages in a Bottle Must I Make
By Antonia Sinibaldi
This is my second blog post on my new website. This one is accurate and may be hard to understand for some people. I am in my mid twenties, but I have always had a very mature brain and heart. My mature brain and heart was given a very difficult life. The only way for the human race to continue to exist is to listen to more people who lives are overly difficult and not overly easy. Lives like mine have always been manipulated and taken advantage of by beings whose lives are too easy and who like destroying people daily going on their individual lives.
Every location has a sociopath close to them and there are more people today who are getting manipulated on a daily level and then when one tries to expose it they say it is fake. They’re families that purposely let people in their family get raped and don’t stop it. On another level their are families who purposely destroy their families romantic relationships for fun. I have been asked in my life over various ages about someone in my life who never did drugs but it is so mentally un self aware if that person did marajuanna but she did not do it. They would say “she speaks like a pot head.” Now in my mid twenties people who use drugs and who do not use drugs are equally evil and manipulative.
I lost a lot of youth, a lot of patience but gained a relationship so heavenly with all the pain I have experienced. People are still trying to destroy my heavenly relationship with God and this physical person who is so real but still being taken advantage of. I’ve said this same sentence almost every age of my life “I will be the best friend/sister you ever had but if you make a enemy out of me I will be your biggest enemy.” I still say that quote. I will be everyone’s biggest threat especially when people play myself and this person for fools and won’t let us be happy.
I will forgive anyone as long as they truly acknowledged what they have done wrong. I will never play the blame game just do not keep destroying and lying that you are doing something productive.
I am happy I have this difficult life. I will always use my lessons and keep learning. My true friends love me and it turns out more people love me than I thought. Too many of the wrong people keep getting their ways. This is my website and I will only do this once in a while but I will be the greatest friend/sister/ teacher or coworker but I will always be the biggest bitch in your life if you are lying and are evil.
Can Anyone hear these Drums?
By Antonia Sinibaldi
This blog post is happening the day before Father’s Day. My entire life relates more to the title of this blog post then Father’s day. This entire life of mine is definitely not the saying “tooting my own horn”. The fact of the matter is my entire life is beating to a different drum.
I am trying to have my album to come out sometime this summer but so many obstacles are in the way. Some minor, some major more major than minors. In a way I raised myself. I have a father but not the way he should be. Father’s day was always extra and a burden for most years of my life.
The air quality keeps getting worse which makes me worse and this picture is from the day the United States sky was Orange. The people that really helped me 1000% not enough people would let me would give them credit and enjoy them because it is not beating to the same drum.
My album will come out this summer when the time is right and on it is a cover of Different Drum. This song a music critic said it showed my vocal range the most. I say it is a song that I didn’t write that fits to my life like glue. Having a different life can be frustrating and exhausting but I will use it for artwork and education. Possibly later in life politics.
SCARS TO YOUR BEAUTIFUL IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT
This is my latest blog post realizing how the summer is almost over. I did not realize how my last piece was about the air quality in June and all a sudden, September is around the corner. I right now feel I am mentally the best place I’ve ever been but still praying and researching how to make my physical situations better.
Without realizing it to the fullest standards I finally got to a point where I can speak clearly and allow myself to have the responsibilities that come with my life without “talking dirty”. I have been given things that I did not ask for but just thrown at me. Honestly speaking I never mentally accepted the gravity of my situation until now.
The best thing other than the ability to speak and sing was getting granted executive action at a young age. Unfortunately, I was guided and manipulated for enough of those ages understanding 50-75% of what was going on for most of the ages and now 1000%.
We in the US are currently at war and my body and I have been at war every second of this life. The hidden war that needs to be addressed is that too many people are getting screwed. That’s the reason why the song “Scars to your Beautiful” by Alessia Cara is such an accurate message and an understatement. Everywhere people do not want people to rise. People love to make fun and manipulate people into thinking that something is wrong with them when they are the ones accurate. My scars make me beautiful but people do not like how academic I am, how sarcastic I can be out of love and rarely insultive.
Something dangerous is going on in the field of healthcare and it is not getting better for a case like mine. Meaning it will get even worse in other conditions. Somehow the healthcare staff want you to be in pain. Somehow the people in the healthcare world tell the people using Opioid pain medication like myself that we like to taste of the drug. That we are not in pain and need the bitterness of the drug more then the pain to go away. .
This is so sick. I am not a complainer, I’m a guider and I have it legally written never accuse me of being insane. I don’t want to world to read the entire document but it is a shame that more and more people are speaking like this. Thank you for reading this blog piece, please share it and I am open to suggestions if you want me to speak on a certain topic.
About Time
We are going back in time as a planet and nation. We in this country are going back in time for many reasons and because certain things that have been brushed under the rug finally are coming to the surface. There is a musical in the works about a pivotal moment in the United States history. I am one to say too many musicals are being made not enough operas, ballets or plays. The music for this musical 504 the musical is perfect. I only know some of the songs now but it is perfect.
504 the musical is about the disability revolution of the 1970s the led buildings into the United States be accessible and more. I am one to say stories like that are late and abused. I hope I can be involve in this show somehow.
The show Drunk History did an episode based on these stories. At the time everyone loved it, I tolerated it. I give the argument is being overly intoxicated really the best way to talk about disability or is it translating it to people who do not identify as disabled. I am way happier that it is being a stage performance than a drunk history episode.
I hope now hidden stories can come to surface more now. Tested romantic relationships like in Anastasia are more common then we like to admit. I am an artist with a disability and I try to let the truth to come out through art.
If I Had Six Bars Of Gold Here Is What I Will Do.
For this blog it is going to be serious and dreaming. The Senator from my county once again got in trouble. This time around it was him and his wife for extreme bribery and extreme hidden wealth. Imagine what life could be for all of us if we were not living in a mash up of the Hunger Games and Divergent. That is the world we are currently living. It is so similar to a dystopian novel. Now we as a changing society needs to decide how to slow it down and preserve things that matter.
The first time I heard that rumor I was in somewhere in my teens. I was a very mentally advance teenager but also burnt out at a very young age. I was awake but mentally processed certain things faster than others. At this age I feel humbled yet proud that I somehow manage through all of my crap. Now I’m the calmest, most confident I have ever been in my life and still determine to make things better.
Since Covid shocked this world nothing has been the same. Now that everything is calmer than it was there are places that will no longer let people with disabilities go. This is a New York, New Jersey area problem. It is not how it used to be before covid. Who came up with that ridiculous system that made seating for theaters and concerts so difficult. The seating is no longer as good as it was before.
All the hidden wealth this country has, who does it benefit?
Does it benefit healthcare? Does it benefit art? Does it benefit people with disabilities? The questions can go on and on. I am trying so hard to think like an abled bodied woman with my very complicated physical disability.
I want to work like every woman should, I want to keep my own personal property and have an intimate relationship if that can be possible. The hidden wealth segregates people with disabilities. They don’t want us to work, educate, and make intimate relationships.
If I had that amount of money, I will spend it wisely, make America great again by benefitting every citizen. I have my music, I am working on more and we need to see how the rest goes.
My 2023 Wrap up
It’s official 2023 is almost over! I am so happy it is almost over. 2023 has been one heck of a challenging year. Every year of my life has been difficult. Mostly physically intertwined with mentally. My confidence and my pain are the most stable now then they have ever been. I just miss the thing that in some way and form has helped me so much.
I always had people physically take care of me but in more ways then most I have been demanded to take care of someone else’s mental state more than my own. Someone who has helped me a lot growing up with out me realizing and being allowed to admit said to me over the summer “Are you going to be okay without me ?” “I have always been with you in some way whether you realized it or not.” “I hope it doesn’t last six months me being gone.” The lockdown was beneficial for myself because I got a lot of self work done. The most important thing is I finally let myself be happy with the same person who has been gone six months now.
Listen to my music. Listen to the vibrations and the story. It is not just my story to tell. Please pray that 2024 will productive year for us together and not just individually. I would not be where I am if it wasn’t for the hidden help that needs to be exposed.
My music is real. Our families traumas are real all because of a catastrophic accident. Too much abuse can follow. Children growing up with constant pain turns them into confused teenagers and broken adults. I always knew the truth but raising a younger sibling with a mother with a cranial facial and leg injury with a horribly mentally ill father was way too much pressure for a young girl.
The music is alive and we are alive. As long as I am alive I’m connected physically, mentally, metaphysically and musically to my best friend that had to distance himself from me for six months now. If people were not so crazy and spiteful we wouldn’t be where we are. Everyone knows his name So how do we fix this? When will we fix this? How do you fix something so traumatic?
Recent Life
I love my bravery. I always was in many ways a very brave girl turned woman. The only downfall now is now I have to accept my humanity. Not everybody can do everything and the human body, mind and spirit can do so much. I was the brain for so many people. I was the “voice of reason” for many people. I had to grow up way too drastically fast and I have never been so tired now in my late twenties.
I saw a post on my instagram (which people can follow) that some kids can be so much stronger than the adults. That often enough is the case. That was my case. It would be so much easier if we as humans can figure out how long that strength will last. Once that is done when people get tired and are out of options they won’t treat each other so badly.
There is more backstory to my life but that will come in time. Right now I am just waiting for something to resolve and making work with my disability. I love using my pain in art and education. I love music, I love instruments, and I love dancing. Lets see how the rest of the year goes.
I am able to admit this because someone admitted it in front of me. He always admitted it. Watching this person hit rock bottom finally owning up to everything. Telling me to say more but I won’t all at once. It makes it easier to admit I’m allowed to fall. I’m allowed to cry. I’m allowed to go to an intensive and adapt the choreography (unless someone tells me otherwise). Most importantly allowed to rest. Even if all of those comes with anxiety.
I recently posted in the form of a hashtag “ I’m still human”. I love that I can admit that now. The world around people like me does not like it. That’s were the current exhaust comes from. I’m nervous and tired of expecting people to be condescending as well as insultive. When a women like myself goes out in public.
